Terry Wallace has picked the right round to sign off on. A spud of a coach ending his coaching career in a real spud of a round…ladies and gentlemen I present to you SPUD ROUND. The AFL marketing gurus could have a field day….if you don’t do a chip kick it would be a free kick, Danny Frawley could be spared the insufferable company of Jason Dunstall for a week to be a spokesman of the round. Just think of it, Spud Round could become appealing. If you can’t win in Spud Round you could always fry again next week. When a mash involving Carlton and Brisbane is the game of the week you can see why this week will be now known as SPUD ROUND.
Richmond vs. Western Bulldogs The Dome
In perhaps his wisest ever coaching move, Terry Wallace has apologised to the Western Bulldogs after the way it ended in 2002. However, I don’t think the Dogs will accept Plough’s apology and that the Bulldogs will prove that these Tigers don’t change their stripes. The Doggies will lay a giant dog turd on the Tiger skin rug after spending the night walking all over it. There is also a rumour doing the rounds that ‘superstar’ Nathan Brown (unable to continue without Wallace) will retire and go around the Dome in an open topped car to salute all twelve of his fans. Meanwhile Cryogenicists are flat out trying to resurrect the remains of Lee Harvey Oswald for the occasion. Dogs by 45 points at leash.
North Melbourne vs. St Kilda The Dome
This match is sure to be sparsely attended due to the fact that during this long weekend there will be a landscaping and renovation show on in Melbourne and all 1900 North fans will be attending it to watch paint dry and grass grow. The sad fact is that North Melbourne and St Kilda ARE BORING! Who could blame the North diehards for wanting to get away from it all. They’ll be lucky to kick five goals against that 21 man Saints defence (everyone except the Alpaca is in the Saint defence these days…Zac Dawson has never felt so accepted). Yep, the Roos can’t kick goals against the Dons let alone the Saints. I expect the media to once again play with their Peter Garrett dolls over the mid season break as they talk up the invincible Saints. I see a yawn-inducing 41 point win coming up for the Saints. Yeah, 12 goals to 5…trust British Paints? Sure can!
Brisbane vs. Carlton Gabbatoir
There are plenty of pundits keen to get on the Blues this week for some reason but they go about as well on the road as Andrew Symonds. Carlton disappeared up their own arse when they went to Football park but Adelaide don’t have a Jonathon Brown or Daniel Bradshaw last time I checked. The Blues fanciers are probably wondering when the loss of Merritt and Patfull is going to start effecting the Lions. The Lions are like a terminator that gets shot multiple times yet comes back again and again to torment John Connor. Fev of course holds the key but because he’s so dumb he’s probably left it in his front door back at his Mansion in Melbourne like an overpaid Homer Simpson. Because Fev is so stupid, it just has to be Lions. Brisbane by 25 points.
Port vs. Fremantle Football Park
The Port vs. Freo match will be sponsored by Jim Beam. There will be a pig on a spit and two teams of girls wrestling each other in their bikinis…ah…can anyone get in? Well of course you can, it’s a Port home game ha ha. The clubs accepted the distiller’s coin for this match as they reasoned accurately that two teams of bikini clad honeys would probably go in harder for the ball than Freo and Port have done in recent weeks. Just think of it..an all spunks football game..I’d be tipping there would be plenty of stiff opposition. It would also give some disinterested footballers the week off. Port know full well that Choco is moving on because the Power can no longer afford his outrageous wages and they are playing like it. Freo have been having a crack but most of their players are too young to be posting on this site let alone playing league football. I reckon Port by four points but the babes match would be far more interesting and a lot tougher as well.
Essendon vs. Adelaide The Dome
The Bombers were predictably smashed last week by the mighty Cats which proves the old adage of anything that doesn’t quite get up is bound to play Geelong and come crashing down. There might be a few injuries this week at Bomberland after shoulders were dislocated patting themselves on the back because they scored six goals in the last quarter. This misguided sense of self praise will do them little good as they face an Adelaide side that has taken the blinkers off in recent weeks and had the location of the goals pointed out to them. The Professor has the reputation of being one of the smartest coaches in the business but he forgot to move the goalposts from the wing during preseason training and the Blackbirds have been kicking at them for eight weeks before Johnny Reid finally snuck up next to the coach and whispered ‘Er….Craigy…how about movin’ them sticks mate!’. Let’s get this game over and done with. I mean, how many articles can mention 300 gamer Tyson Edwards as being ‘underrated’ before that actually constitutes him being rated?? Adelaide by 19 points to send Knighter’s boys into a tailspin.
Hawthorn vs. Sydney The G
So far the ‘mighty’ Hawks have played seven of their ten matches against sides outside the current top eight and to remain there they need to knock off the Swannies. The Swannies as I have said many times before this year are not a tipping proposition away from the Basketball Court. As a result I get to gleefully plant my kiss of death on the Hawks as I am tipping them in this contest but I’ll be heartbroken if they lose ha ha. Last week all three of the Swans players in Hall, O’Keefe and Goodes had goodes games but they got rolled big time by the Dogs who even had time for a second half kip. The Hawks must be getting a bit desperate now. A few weeks back it was ‘Hawks to be 8-3 at the half way mark’, then it was ‘They’ll settle for 7-4 at the half way mark’ and this week I heard ‘They’ll be delighted to be 6-5’ at the halfway mark. LMAO this is a golden age. The Hawks defence is a joke and I’m not game to make any Swans jokes as I might get blood and tarred and feathered. Swans away from the court so it’s the Hawks, simple. Hawthorn by 15 points.
West Coast vs. Geelong Subiaco
With both teams missing so many players game manufacturers Hasbro has taken the opportunity to realise the newest version of ‘Guess Who’ and the latest game to be released in Geelong ‘Connect 11’. Word has it that Bomber Thompson has already ordered a giant party sub swimming with vinegar (just the way you like it) and he plans to eat this giant sandwich the minute the cameras look up to the coaching box…just like last year. For the Eagles, it will be a case of biting off more than they can chew. At least when they played the Hawks they could have chewed the fat but against the Cats all they’ll end up with fur balls…Oh Oh! Watch out Half Cat! Geelong by 58 points.
Melbourne vs. Collingwood The G
The great Collingwood benefit goes on as they valiantly struggle to come to grips with the best draw seen since I got to sit next to Megan Gale on a flight to Sydney. The Pies have squared the ledger now and are starting to get their full side back together even if the full accompaniment of teeth is never an option whenever Collingwood is concerned. Now every teacher in the land is wondering Watts is going on with a kid playing in his league debut the day before an exam but at last the time has come for last year’s number one draft pick. I’m tipping that the returning Robbo won’t be attempting anymore goals while he is sitting on his arse after being given a run in the magoos last time he tried that stunt. But at least Robbo can get a kick unlike Miller who has started poorly and gone backwards ever since. I genuinely want to know why was Miller Drafted? Collingwood by 26 points.